On Mistakes
By: Sally Goldberg, Ph.D.
Have you ever…
Dialed a wrong number
Missed an appointment
Left your glasses at a restaurant
Neglected to back up an important computer file
Forgotten to buy the most important item on the grocery list
If you have, you are not alone. You and millions of others like you make these kinds of mistakes day in and day out. As a matter of fact, as long as you are a person and not a god, you are likely to continue to makes these mistakes along with many more.
Now here is the good part. Although painful at the time, most mistakes provide us with wonderful lessons that actually help us for the future. Here are three lessons that are especially targeted at helping children and grandchildren.
1. Change the word “misbehavior” to mistaken behavior. If we as parents and grandparents at our age are still out there everyday making mistakes, then it should come as no surprise that children are making them as well. Therefore, the first step is to understand and respect misjudgments, errors, and oversights.
Discipline in the old days use to be based on punishment. “What punishment can I give my child so that he will not do that behavior again?” Today, punishments or consequences are acceptable only if they are fair (appropriate and set up ahead of time), firm (kept as set up), and positive (always havng your child’s best interests in mind).
Today we guide parents and grandparents to separate out the behavior from the child and focus on what happened. We advise them to look for the cause of the misbehavior and then to go ahead and try to eliminate that cause. We suggest they examine the circumstances around the misbehavior and then to try to figure out how to make a better choice in the future. Discipline today is based on teaching. “What can I teach my child so that he will not make the same mistake again?”
2. Be on the lookout for the benefit of a mistake. When approached with proper creativity and in a positive way, mistakes often lay the groundwork for some future success. A wrong ingredient could end up being the basis for a fabulous new recipe. A failed experiment could end up as the beginnings of an important new invention. Sometimes the job that falls through makes room for the one that eventually works out. A contract that does not get signed could pave the way for another one that will. Even Columbus’s miscalculation ended up in a bright future for us all. Help your child or grandchild understand this kind of thinking.
3. Applaud success. Never before in the history of mankind has daily life become so complicated. A simple dot that used to be used to end a sentence now has the power to make or break a major communication. A dash, which used to be used to connect two words or two parts of one word, now has this same enormous power. Intricate electrical signals, satellite waves, and many more impulse systems send out trillions of messages every second. Billions of train, plane, and car connections are made flawlessly everyday. Millions of multi-faceted production processes and thousands of service jobs are carried out continuously, on time and in just the right way. Now is the time to be aware of such masterful accomplishments of modern times and to do the best you can to explain them to your child or grandchild. In this world of coordination and split-second timing, make no mistake that no mistakes are a pretty amazing feat.
If you cannot beat them, join them. Mistakes are here to stay. The first thing to do is to try to learn from them. Next, look for the silver lining that they might be bringing. Third, take every opportunity you can to appreciate the impeccable order of technological life. Be sure to let your child or grandchild in on all of this as well.
Parenting specialist Dr. Sally Goldberg turns theory and research into practical information for every parent. Acclaimed for her keynote speeches, workshops, coaching skills and radio and television appearances, she is also a prolific writer. Her popular books include Constructive Parenting, Baby and Toddler Learning Fun and Make Your Own Pre-School Games. For more parenting tips and information about Dr. Sally visit http://www.drsallyparenting.com.
